Patty makes no claims about it being easy. In fact she isn’t afraid to talk about the deep dark ugly realities of heart-ache, loss and recovery.
In her book “Wine, Sex and Suicide” Patty tells the story of her “near death divorce” and how she came out the other side. Her upcoming book “Soul Garden Healing” is a seasonal guide to reclaiming your heart and your light – coming back from the dark night of the soul and finding peace and joy when you feel you’ve been “abandoned by love.”
Here’s to our whole and happy hearts. So grateful to welcome Patty to the Shift Series family.
Lindsay and Patty talk about Healing the Heart after Heartache, Loss or Divorce.
Tell us a little about yourself
I’m a life coach with a specialized focus on working with people healing from heartbreak. I found life coaching while I was going through my own journey of healing and believe so strongly in its efficacy for self discovery and healthy balanced living. I’m an author with my first book, “Wine, Sex and Suicide – My Near Death Divorce,” soon to be published and a forthcoming transformational book, “Soul Garden Healing – A Seasonal Guide To Healing From Heartbreak.”
What is your philosophy on healing or overcoming health challenges.
Speaking toward emotional healing, I can say what I’ve learned is that so many of us hide from or deny and numb our feelings because they’re so uncomfortable or painful, but the path to healing is actually going through the emotions and allowing them to run their course. One of the biggest revelations I learned in my late 40’s is the concept that emotions are energy in motion and live in the body. If we can develop awareness of how we are feeling, and learn to feel, express and release – that will go a long way toward our emotional healing.
How have you used adversity in your life to fuel your commitment to balance and wellness?
I’d been through a lot of loss in my life – mostly due to physical deaths of loved ones, but when my marriage ended abruptly after 17 years, it left me broken. And it surprised me because I thought I’d been a fairly strong person having gone through all those other losses – but the abandonment truly shattered me and I was left not even knowing who I was or if I had any value or purpose in life. There were so many broken pieces to heal – and my commitment to myself is to remain balanced because I never, ever want to experience what I went through ever again. My primary lesson has been to look within myself for all that I need, not to rely on someone else for my sense of self or value.
How do you stay healthy, resilient and vibrant?
I have practices in place such as starting my day with a mental gratitude list. I enjoy meditation and creating guided meditations. Yoga and walking in nature or taking an easy bicycle ride or kayaking in Morro Bay are activities I try to do a few times a week. I do my best to balance socializing because writing can be a very solitary endeavor, so I plan ahead and make sure I’m engaged with friends. Resiliency comes from knowing I’ve overcome challenges in the past and now have the tools and self awareness to deal with issues, and if I don’t know how – I know where to ask for guidance. I also like to see things through the lens of my inner-child and incorporate a playful approach to life. Blowing bubbles, using crayons and swinging don’t have age limits!
What tips do you recommend for your clients dealing with / healing from illness?
I can speak to healing from heartbreak. In my eBook, “Abandoned By Love – 12 Practices To Soothe Intense Heartbreak,” I cover what I believe to be the most effective practices in moving through the loss and grieving of abandonment. My top three suggestions would be; 1) Gratitude – developing a practice of starting and ending your day with 5 things you’re grateful for will lift your energy, and even the slightest lift is beneficial. I think gratitude goes hand in hand with keeping perspective and that’s not to diminish our experience, but rather develop an awareness that life is larger than our current situation. A gratitude journal is a wonderful way to start and you can even keep writing the same 5 things if you absolutely can’t come up with something new. 2) Feel, express and release the emotions. I started out by Numbing, stuffing and avoiding – but when I learned to acknowledge and be present with an emotion and understand it was fluid and wouldn’t last forever, I became less afraid to feel it. I even recommend to clients to set the scene for the emotion; if you’re sad – dim the lights, light a candle, surround yourself with pillows and lots of tissues and play somber music. The emotion is there, we might as well welcome it and give it space. To express the emotion might be to cry, to sob or to journal or write letters to be burned in a burning bowl ceremony. You might express sadness with an art project or cuddling with your pet. Releasing the emotion can be as simple as shaking it out of your body once you’ve expressed it. It’s like putting a bit of closure on the time you’ve given yourself to process the emotion. 3) Volunteer. Being of service to others was invaluable in my own journey and there are countless studies citing the mental, physical and emotional benefits of volunteering.
If there was only one thing a person could find the energy and resources to make a priority what would it be?
Working on their mindset to realize they are in charge of their lives. We can’t control what happens to us but we absolutely have control of how we respond. Developing a positive mindset is free, and accessible to anyone at anytime.
What is your favorite inspirational quote for healing?
“Life isn’t about weathering the storm – it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”
Patty Blue Hayes is a life coach with a special focus on helping women heal from heartbreak. She is the author of the book, “Wine, Sex and Suicide – My Near Death Divorce,” and the forthcoming book, “Soul Garden Healing – A Seasonal Guide To Healing From Heartbreak.” What season are you in?